The entrepreneurial journey is often characterized by a shared vision established by co-founders—individuals who join forces to bring their entrepreneurial pursuits to life. When founders come together and start a business, it’s like they just got married.
Like a wedded couple, founders have entered a legal relationship. Instead of striving for the success of a marriage, founders have a fiduciary duty to strive for the success of a business. Co-founders not only share responsibilities and challenges but also form a unique bond that is crucial to the stability and growth of their business. The strength and quality of this relationship can determine the strategic direction and operational effectiveness of the venture. However, as highlighted in Noam Wasserman’s book The Founder’s Dilemmas, the path to entrepreneurial success is fraught with challenges and the relational problems between co-founders contribute to 65 per cent of the failures of high-potential start-ups.
When a traditional marriage hits the rocks, couples therapy is often seen as a way to try to salvage the relationship (according to one estimate, American couples alone spend over US$30 billion a year on therapy). But when co-founders experience relational challenges, they do not take similar action. Indeed, despite spending lavishly on retreats to build morale, corporations spend little on improving relationships between cofounders, who are often left without the tools needed to address any relationship challenges that emerge. And when things become irreconcilable, breaking up with a business partner can be an emotional and legal nightmare—just like a divorce.
Entrepreneurs have recognized the importance of interpersonal dynamics and emotional well-being in the workplace, which has led to integrating psychotherapy to enhance communication, collaboration, and overall organizational effectiveness. The integration of psychotherapy and entrepreneurship, therefore, represents an important topic. However, the integration of couples therapy within the context of business relationships, in general, and co-founder relationships, in particular, is a relatively new field of inquiry.
In this article, I explore the application of couples therapy, enriched by insights from adult attachment theory, to address the relational challenges experienced by co-founders. I contend that by integrating couples therapy and attachment-informed strategies into business practices, co-founders can navigate the complexities of entrepreneurship with resilience and cohesion, which will ultimately contribute to the long-term sustainability of their ventures.
Psychology of relationships—adult attachment theory
In adult attachment theory, individuals develop internal working models of attachment—their emotional bonds and relationships—based on their early caregiving experiences. Children, and especially infants, are vulnerable and their survival is fully dependent on caregivers. If children perceive that their caregivers can meet their needs, they will form a secure attachment. However, if a child perceives that adults are unable to provide them with everything that they need, namely the need to feel safe and secure, they will form an attachment disorder: either anxious, avoidant, or disorganized (a combination of anxious and avoidant) attachment. If unchanged through inner reflection, self-awareness, or cognitive development, the attachment that is developed in childhood remains throughout adulthood.
Those with anxious attachments are overly committed in relationships and often, out of fear of abandonment, will have difficulty communicating their needs. They will avoid having difficult conversations that are oriented toward having their needs met. They can become overly focused on keeping the peace. Over time, they can build resentment and passive aggressiveness for not communicating their needs.
Avoidants are suspicious of relationships, prefer the flexibility of open relationships, find it challenging to commit, and withdraw when their independence is threatened. Although it might not seem readily apparent for the avoidant attachment style, at the most basic level—as suggested by Dr. Stan Tatkin, a psychologist and relationship expert—they often possess a fear of abandonment in the form of a fear of rejection. Avoidants will reject to avoid rejection. This is why the avoidant experiences issues with trust—they do not want to let anyone too close—as they do not want to be hurt.
In the middle of the spectrum is the secure attachment style. These folks trust others easily and can commit in relationships. They communicate their needs and are cooperative and flexible. The disorganized attachment style presents combinations of avoidant and anxious tendencies. They can even experience instances of secure attachment.
In a romantic relationship, depending on where one falls on the attachment spectrum, one tends to attract a counterpart that is mirrored on the opposite side of the spectrum. For example, if one falls slightly within the anxious territory of the secure centre-point, they will be attracted to an avoidant person that is equally that distance away from the centre-point. Conversely, if one is far toward the anxious end of the spectrum, they will be attracted to a mate that is far toward the avoidant end of the continuum. According to attachment theory, this attraction is due to individuals having a subconscious desire to work through their challenges, rooted in childhood, to become more secure, as outlined in Levine and Heller’s book Attached.
Understanding co-founder dynamics through adult attachment theory
Attachment styles—secure, anxious, avoidant, and disorganized—shape individuals’ expectations, behaviours, patterns, and responses in close relationships, which are mirrored in one’s workplace dynamics. If one has healthy and secure relationships with loved ones, they tend to be more secure in the workplace. However, if one’s relationships with loved ones are strained and difficult, they are likely to see this dynamic in other relationships. Hence, adult attachment theory provides a valuable framework for understanding co-founder relationships.
In co-founder relationships, attachment dynamics manifest in a variety of ways. Securely attached co-founders tend to trust one another, communicate openly, and collaborate effectively, which fosters a positive and resilient partnership. Conversely, co-founders with disorganized attachment styles may struggle with trust issues, communication barriers, and conflict avoidance, which leads to heightened tension and dysfunction within the business partnership.
Those with anxious attachment styles tend to be insecure, possess lower self-confidence, and fear criticism and negative feedback. To compensate for these experiences, they feel the need to seek approval from their peers. They also conform to the interests of the group. Ultimately, they experience challenges in communicating their needs. By not communicating effectively, they often experience higher instances of resentment, passive aggressiveness, and burnout.
On the contrary, those with avoidant attachment styles tend to keep to themselves. They prefer not to socialize with colleagues. Avoidants can be perceived as distant or cold. They consider others untrustworthy and view group activities cynically. They avoid forming bonds with colleagues. Avoidants can be perceived as rebellious and critical of leadership.
The role of couples therapy in transforming co-founder relationships
The aim of therapy is to help people navigate challenges through a neutral third-party with expertise on relationships and the functioning of the conceptual mind. The environment of therapy is safe and supportive and enables individuals to talk through their vulnerabilities. Through therapy, individuals develop self-awareness. They cultivate a greater understanding of the root causes of reoccurring patterns of behaviour that might be contributing to relational challenges. This deeper insight can help improve mental well-being. Couples therapy is an extension of individual therapy that adds one’s counterpart to the environment. It is used to improve relationships by helping both parties learn about themselves, their patterns, and how these dynamics show up in their relationships. It is used to build healthy, strong, and long-lasting relationships.
By providing a safe and supportive environment for exploration and intervention, couples therapy interventions—informed by attachment theory—can help co-founders cultivate greater self-awareness. By exploring the impact of early attachment experiences on current relationship dynamics, therapy sessions can empower co-founders to recognize and address maladaptive attachment patterns rooted in underlying insecurities and fears that may be contributing to relational distress. Couples therapy can help co-founders challenge these unhealthy patterns and negative beliefs.
In addition, couples therapy can help co-founders build empathy and emotional intelligence. Through enhanced emotional intelligence, individuals are better able to manage their emotions, identify emotional cues, and understand the emotions of others. This can help co-founders understand the perspective of their counterparts and the challenges that they experience. Couples therapy can help co-founders improve their communication skills by providing them with the tools needed to effectively vocalize their issues in a safe environment, either in the presence of a therapist or on their own. In this way, it can help both parties develop important skills in managing conflict when it arises. This can aid in repairing relational ruptures, developing more secure relational bonds, and fostering healthier co-founder relationships, which can lead to the co-creation of more supportive and nurturing work environments.
By aligning business objectives with relational needs, therapy sessions empower co-founders to leverage their attachment strengths and navigate challenges with resilience and confidence. Moreover, attachment-informed strategies can help guide leadership practices, decision-making processes, and conflict resolution mechanisms within a business partnership. By fostering a culture of collaboration, empathy, and mutual respect, therapy sessions contribute to the long-term sustainability of the venture, while also enhancing the well-being and satisfaction of the co-founders.
Foundational practices for building healthy relationships
Reflective listening, managing expectations, and allocating time for the relationship—when paired with couples therapy—represent effective strategies in creating healthy co-founder relationships.
Reflective listening consists of four approaches. The first involves being fully present and providing the speaker with one’s full attention. This means that one is not distracted or interjecting. The speaker is being listened to fully, allowing their feelings to be heard. The second involves being non-judgmental. The third involves providing feedback to demonstrate that the speaker has been interpreted appropriately. Once the speaker has confirmed that they have been interpreted correctly, the fourth approach involves responding accordingly, which triggers reflective listening in the other party.
To avoid miscommunications and unmet needs, both parties need to communicate their expectations regularly. Once these expectations have been negotiated and accepted, the parties need to retain a written copy. If changes are needed, they must be discussed, negotiated, and agreed upon anew. The use of a couples therapist can be essential in this process.
Both parties need to schedule appropriate time to work through challenges. Not addressing issues appropriately, in the right space and at the right time, can lead to problems festering, which can result in frustration and resentment. To build strong relationships, regular time must be allocated for connecting outside of work. “Getting out of the building” is often used to stimulate creativity and build morale. Doing this regularly is an important investment in fostering healthy relationships.
Case study: Anna and David, co-founders of an innovative health-tech startup, had built a thriving company that integrated AI with wearable technology to monitor chronic illnesses. Despite their early success, their business relationship began to deteriorate after they disagreed on the company’s strategic direction. Anna envisioned scaling rapidly to capture market share, while David prioritized perfecting their product before expanding. Tensions escalated as their misaligned visions turned into personal conflict, threatening their decision-making processes, team dynamics, and overall business performance.
Recognizing the potential collapse of their partnership, Anna and David sought the help of a consultant trained in couple therapy principles. In their sessions, they explored the underlying dynamics fueling their conflict. The consultant encouraged them to reflect on their attachment styles—Anna’s tendency to act decisively to avoid vulnerability clashed with David’s preference for careful, data-driven deliberation, stemming from his need for security. These insights helped them move beyond surface-level disagreements to address the root causes of their challenges.
The sessions also focused on fostering psychological safety. Through facilitated discussions, they practiced active listening and reframed their narratives about each other’s intentions. Anna came to see David’s caution as a commitment to quality, while David recognized Anna’s assertiveness as a drive to secure their company’s long-term success.
In addition to improving communication, the process involved setting clear roles and responsibilities. With the consultant’s guidance, they outlined areas of individual accountability and collaborative decision-making, enabling them to balance their differing approaches while working toward shared goals.
Over time, Anna and David rebuilt their trust and realigned their visions for the company. They emerged with a deeper appreciation of their complementary strengths, leading to renewed collaboration. Their experience demonstrates how applying couple therapy principles can help co-founders navigate conflict, strengthen their partnership, and ensure the resilience of their business.
Conclusions
Co-founder relationships play a pivotal role in the success and sustainability of entrepreneurial organizations. By integrating principles from couples therapy and adult attachment theory, co-founders can find support in cultivating secure relational bonds, enhancing communication, and fostering cooperation within their partnership. One key aspect of this approach is the cultivation of emotional intelligence and self-awareness among co-founders. By encouraging reflection on their attachment styles, interpersonal patterns, and communication tendencies, co-founders can develop a deeper understanding of themselves and their partners, which paves the way for more empathetic and emotionally attuned interactions.
In addition, couples therapists can facilitate dialogue and negotiation processes aimed at clarifying expectations, defining roles and responsibilities, and establishing shared goals and values within the co-founder partnership. By fostering a shared sense of purpose and direction, couples therapists can align the interests and motivations of co-founders, thereby mitigating the risk of conflict and enhancing the cohesion and resilience of the partnership. Furthermore, couples therapists can provide training and support in conflict resolution, problem solving, and decision-making skills to equip co-founders with the strategies needed to navigate challenges effectively. By promoting open communication, reflective listening, and constructive feedback, couples therapists can help co-founders address disagreements and tensions in a collaborative and respectful manner, strengthening the trust and cohesion of the partnership.
References
IbisWorld. “Couples Therapy in the US – Market Size 2005–2028.” Accessed June 30, 2024 [Month, Day, Year]. https://www.ibisworld.com/industry-statistics/market-size/couples-therapy-united-states.
Levine, Amir, and Rachel Heller. Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find—and Keep—Love. TarcherPerigee, 2012.
Wasserman, Noam. The Founder’s Dilemmas: Anticipating and Avoiding the Pitfalls That Can Sink a Startup. Princeton University Press, 2013.
